If you intend to start enormous works to get the personal goals, please say "NO" with love. And if you against my opinion, please stop reading and continue your choice since this is my experience only.
I understood my fluttery feelings before an opposite-sex person, but I did not say "LOVE" with anyone of them. I never prevent myself from love. I prefer to let my heart freely express its emotion than to forbid it. This feeling, with me, is just a type of the motivation to inspire me working harder. Below is my story and I do not mention my age at any stages for some personal reasons. Honestly, I was so young at these stages.
In the past, I was so shy and inferior to say "LOVE"
It's normal! Although I have a feeling for a classmate who was so humble, intelligent and hard-working, I still liked him in silent though everyone realized it and advised us to confess it for each other. He wasn't able to learn English well so that I accepted to find out all ways to help him. We did not have any social media accounts at that time. Therefore, besides my studying, I also woke up at 2:00 am to prepare an English test for him every morning. He helped me to correct my Maths and Physics mistakes. In class, we were both the top students, I was the first and he was second. There would be an exchange for the top student to another class which was born for smart and wealthy kids. I now do so admire the "little girl" at that time. You could not image how solid my mind was when I finally kept my rank and was changed to my dream class. After a year of being separated, I seemed to concentrate on my studying than to paid attention to him. And I was so shock when he showed his new girlfriend. I was so shocked about that news for a week. Then I remain studied harder and harder to be out of this negative emotion. It was my first passing infatuation.
Another heartbeat calling....
I again failed in love with another classmate who is older than me. All my heart vibrates without any reason. Until the final day of that course, he confessed to me. However, I denied as I was not ready for being his girlfriend. My family was poor and I am a first daughter. I could not be out of the fear of uncertainty as well as poor scary. I continued my studying path.
Again, another said love to me
He had been my close friend ever. And he denied hearing my answer. He understood me and he knew that it was not the correct time to say love to me. Personally, three stories above are just the typical ones as there are some other boys who confess to me. You maybe ask why I was so selfish and tricky. Am I scared of being alone? Of course, I am. However, although my heart calling, my mind does still breeze. The most important reason is that I became a vulnerable person after enduring too many outbreaks of violence between my dad and mom and even me. I tried to be stronger in society, but I could not be out of those pains. Hence, I am not scared of being alone as much as being abused. My grandmother also educated me that when a girl getting married, her family, her kids, and her husband could stop her dream forever. House would be the darkest prison.
Until now, I do understand why I could do so many tasks at the same time. Because I am never involved in any love affair. One truth is that it is harder to balance both love and jobs than balance only jobs. Now, I am single and I do remain to follow my dream. One day, I hope that I could hear and follow my heartbeat without my solid mind, but it must be the day I could get the financial freedom.
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